Only a few days riverside and already my mind and body crave it more. This pandemic has left drive and ambition lacking. Its like I had silenced the call, the pull of the river. Closed off to it.
Fishing solo just isn’t enough. I want more. But the world we live in now makes me cautious. Therea still so much that is up in the air the stress of it all seems to come on waves every few days. When you’re reminded you still haven’t worked in 8 weeks, bills aren’t able to get paid, truck needs work, gear needs replaced, repaired, restocked, funds are low, and yes there are trips coming…but will we get do run them and will they be enough are the questions that linger in the back eddy.
I have dealt with a lot of stress, and a lot of crap the last 18 months. So this challenge that has presented itself has been one that has been different to meet head on or even try to think out more than a week at a time. Just too much out of my control and a lot of nonsense that has come up that I can’t make sense of. Having the river back within my reach helps but only puts a band aid on the issues on mind.
My my mind seems to jump between the need to chase fish and slowly trying to keep the off river stuff from completley unraveling. Its a funky dance, a weird line to be riding. It sucks to be honest and is really uncomfortable. Navigating some heavy gnarly class Vs anglers. Shit better be worth the craptastic ride on the other side.
The river is speaking to me again. And that helps. It at least gives me a hint of purpose during all this. It keeps some of the positive vibes up near the top. Like everyone else I am feeling the lack of social interaction and connection. Anxious. Trying to stay cautiously optimistic about it all. River doesn’t know or care whats going on. Its just running doing river stuff. And that still gives me something to root myself in.
Stay safe out there. Chase fish if you can, wash your hands, wear your mask. See ya riverside.