Month: April 2020

Okay…its been 6 weeks since I guided last and almost that long since I fished. A neccessary evil…necessary but still evil.

The past 6 weeks have been much like the offseason winter months. As long as you don’t look outside that is. I wake up with the river. And I haven’t found myself fully awake because of the disconnect with the river. It is making me really cranky. Like a bear trapped in the post hibernation stupor…groggy, hangry…needs to poop. Just cranky.

The river comes alive this time of year. The trees grow their leaves, the cotton woods start to smell sweet, the birds flutter, sing, and chirp about the edges of the water. The otters and ducks, the beavers, the ravens, raptors, fucken deers, the bugs, and of course the trout.

I miss it. And this may make me out to sound like an asshat but its not the same as most. Its not just the river, its the guiding, the people, the gauntlet that is the Yakima, the crazy energy, the life it causes me to live. I miss the rythym, the schedule, the anticipation, the feeling when I get it right, and the feeling of defeat and perseverance through the suck. I live my life on that river. And not being able to be in its embrace….it really fucken sucks. Sorry I can’t think of a more eloquent way of stating my feelings.

I don’t have much in my life. That river is a lot of it. I have put over a decade of my adult life learning the craft of fly angling, fly tying, boat rowing, and business. Sunk the majority of my life’s earnings and monies into it. I am determined to make guiding my career until I literally can no longer physically fly fish. I have lost so much in the pursuit of fly fishing. I have also gained more than I could have ever hoped for. The river is a part of me. 6 weeks without a limb, or a part of your brain, or that deep physical, emotional, primal, natural, and psychological connection to the world of wild trout…it takes its toll. As so many fellow river rats, dirt bags, guides, and outdoorsy folk are feeling as we enter what may be our last week cut off from what we crave most.

It hurts anglers. It hurts my heart, my brain, even my body aches for the pull and push of the river current. I even had a cry about it the other day. Probably had too much herb, and I tied a really amazing set of march browns and realized I wasn’t gonna get to fish them this season. Had a little pandemic break down. Its allowed.

The financial worry is really not worth the stress. I can’t do shit about it. Qualifying for these loans is damn near impossible with my little business. I am in that boat of, if I can get back to work soon I should be good. But that leaves me and just about everyone else running that risk of infection. Just like our front line people, grocery clerks, drivers, and other currently essential workers have been risking this whole time. Its not fun to think about. And trying to figure out where that line is sucks. Its reminds me of the 2015 drought. Out of work for 6 weeks, getting back to it running that fine line of… not killing trout but trying to keep my fledging business afloat. Now its just…not killing people…I guess…okay that really fucken sucks. Honestly…I don’t wanna. That’s a shitty position to be put in on top of everything else. Preaching to the choir I know. And to everyone who has been still going to work. Sucks.

We shall see about guiding. But fishing at least, hopefully soon. It hurts anglers…thinking about all this stuff. I figured venting some would help a little. It does. But that’s what we are all processing right now. What things are going to look like moving forward. As an older millenial…I will be honest, I am exhausted. 9/11, Wars, financial crisis of 08, recession, school shootings, student loan debt crisis, healthcare crisis, climate crisis, and Pandemic crisis. I am exhausted. And would like things to be better on the other side of this for once. It would be nice to have some calm water around the next bend this trip.

There is some craziness out there that makes me feel otherwise. From drinking bleach, to blatent lies, to just doing a shit job across the board on all fronts on so many levels by too many of our leaders…its a cluster. This country went from melting pot to cluster fuck real quick.

When things do open back up. Please…I implore you…be smart. Be safe. Please please please be respectful and patient. And be nice to the communities that you visit when you recreate. We remember you. The Yakima River Communities are really close knit. And we have weathered the oast 6 weeks really well. As other counties deal with more cases. We are all anxious about things opening back up. Please please please be respectful and kind.

Things won’t be normal…not like they were after this. They can’t be. But hopefully fishing won’t change too much. I hope to see you riverside soon and maybe even in my boat.

Stay safe anglers.

Tamarack

Okay…so this closure is neccessary…and it is also evil. I am just saying. It fucken sucks and I have had it.

Okay. Rant over. Stupid coronavirus…

While I try desperately to avoid the news as its just one cluster after another…there is an absolute standstill on getting anywhere with a disaster relief loan or grant right now, and 3 months of the trout season are just about gone. Thousands lost, mentally unstable, and that stimulus check only goes so far and can’t stimulate much being locked down. I need to be stimulated…shit…ugh…meh.

So…we might get to fish by May 4th but don’t be to giddy. More then likely we will see another 10 to 14 days of lockdown or at least closures. I am guessing things will be brought back online one step at a time. Being completely non essential fly fishing and guiding is near the bottom of that list. There is also the added worry of the economy being total hot garbage for months after this, which doesn’t bode well for saving the season. Lots of stress on the business front. And more on the personal front.

As I don’t like to get into the off river stuff to much I just wanna iterate here…never let anyone make you feel bad or like a failure for chasing your passion and finding success through it. My job has been on hold for weeks. I make good money and am very good at my gig. But this shit put everything on pause and its not my fault. Paitience…the river will provide.

Anyway. Kinda all over the place. This isolation is getting to me fosho.

So we might get to fish by May 4th in time for the Mothers Day Caddis Bonanza. But more than likely we will be back to it by Memorial Day. Probably in masks. May only be running light halfer trips, and still doing all the cleanliness and washing stuff.

We will no longer be shaking hands or high fiving. Sorry anglers. Just gonna break that habit now. Elbow taps from here on out. So don’t be offended if I don’t shake your hand.

Look for dates in June through October. We will hopefully get 5 months of the season and it might be enough to get through this craptastic year. We can still save the season. Support how you can.

Those that have to reschedule…start picking your summer dates! Anyone waiting on refunds and returns please continue to be patient.

Thank you..

Tis the fucken season already…

Tamarack

I saw the river yesterday. I took a walk, and may have ventured past a Closed sign or 2. With 2 weeks of islolation still left on the calendar and 6 weeks of work just gone when this hopefully will be somewhat over…I had to get out. There is good news in WA state on the Pandemic front and the projections for the COVID-19 impact change daily and are much less than originally predicted. There is hope anglers…we may have the opportunity to fish during the famous Yakima River Mother’s Day Caddis Hatch.

I could not sit any longer. I needed to see the river. To feel it, hear it. I saw fish, I heard birds and critters. I listened to the trees sing and the creek and river babble along in tune. Twas glorious.

The lack of connection to river and anglers is taking its toll. While many other anglers and guides are posting photos and lamenting online…I have just taken a step back and chilled the fuck out. Everything is out of my control so I stopped stressing about all that shit I can’t do anything about with the current situation.

Yes I am bummed that I can’t fish. But I can’t change it. Losing money…fuck yes…just like everyone else. Lots of money for my little guide operation. Lots. But I have survived worse in business and in life so I just shrug my shoulders and be patient. I will get back to it. I have gotten really good at skating and floating by and waiting for the river to provide. She has never failed me and I put what faith I do have in the river.

Its quiet, and I hope that when we come out of this we have learned something as a country, a people. While this has been going one our environment has been systematically beaten down through all sorts of backhanded shit when it comes to regulations, business and conservation.

Our economy tanked in a matter of days. The entire world has been put on pause. Might be time to rewind the tape and take a look at how we got here and why. Decide if this is the way we wish to continue?

I hope staying at home has been positive. Sharing time with loved ones is a luxury for some. Don’t take this time for granted. Many are alone and out of work with little contact. I am fortunate to have a few people in my life that have made this easier to bare.

But I have checked out. There is just nothing to report while shit is on pause. I tie, build a shit ton of legos, video games, and reading. I check in periodically with people and have plenty reach out.

Thank you to all my clients and angler peeps that have reached out and bought flies and trips. All I can ask is to reserve trips for summer and fall. We may be doing them in masks but hey…fish don’t care and the pictures will be something.

I will see you all riverside soon anglers. Really soon.

Tamarack

Well…this sucks. I have had little to write about as there is no fishing because of fucken coronavirus. Yes its serious and I am not down playing it. But this still sucks and I am gonna complain about it.

The closures are the right call. And as new info comes out with COVID-19 and the spread of this nasty shit, more is being learned and its looking like it won’t be as horrible as previously thought with these social distancing measures.

That doesn’t negate the fact that I am going to lose roughly 1/4 of my annual income if not more. When the numbers jump over $10,000 I start to get anxious. Its a nasty hit that the whole guiding industry is feeling. Luckily its just me and I don’t have employees or a shop to worry about.

The isolation has finally started to get to me. I miss connecting with the river, my clients, the wild critters we chase. I crave the energy that charges me while riverside. My very being needs the outlet as the internal energy continues to build with no where to channel it.

The madness has start to set in. Absolute boredom which causes a lack of interest in doing anything. Suddenly 2 days have gone by and there is no sense of urgency or worry about it. Just a strange vibe all around. My boat is sad, and upset that she is stuck in the driveway. I tinker every other day on the boat…but there is no real push to finish things while in this fucken weird ass limbo.

I tie, but even that loses its appeal as I know I can’t go fish with said flies. I have orders and have chunked away at them as well…but I will be honest anglers…there just isn’t a lot of motivation right now. Lots of uncertainty and an inability to find solace, respite, and clarity through river, fly, rod, and trout…so my world is just…well…its just fucked right now.

With the prospect of not being able to fish or guide until May…possibly as late as Memorial Day…the stress compounds. And if it is later than that our industry as a whole will have a hard recovery. I have started the process of SBA stuff and will continue to work on that during the down time. A pesky little virus isn’t going to kill my career…I have weathered worse. Patience pays off.

I will have flies up for sale for when we get to fish again…summer bugs! I am offereing everyone who has booked a trip in the Spring first dibs on reacheduling for summer dates with no additonal charge for the trip. There is not much else to do except wait and hope the money doesn’t run out completely. There is a lot going on for not a lot happening….been down the last few days trying to wrap my head around it all…came up with nothing really. Just more waiting.

Couple of things to be positive about…the virus is bad…but not as bad as initially thought. We will go back to a new normal after this…a better one I hope…I hope everyone has been paying attention. The fish…can’t get sick…and they aren’t going anywhere. They are getting a break. They will be spawning soon and for once…they will have the river to themselves…so its hard to be upset about that.

Their world is still flowing while ours has come to a complete halt. It makes me respect the lifestyle I have. Missing it sucks but this time away gives me time to reflect and appreciate what I get to do for a living. And I will continue to chase fish in the beautiful and wild places they live. Just as soon as this shit is over.

Be safe, try and be nice, but always be kind, and wash your hands.

See ya riverside soon anglers.

Tamarack